


A little too not over you. (but that's alright)

by purpleraindr0ps



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 11:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18799147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleraindr0ps/pseuds/purpleraindr0ps
Summary: Regrets.(Never again, not anymore)





	A little too not over you. (but that's alright)

It’s strange, and maybe just a little heartbreaking, to think about how long Luhan has been away from home – away from him. They were once upon a time known as the inseparables, two halves to a whole, the _yin_  to the other’s  _yang_ , soul mates. Once upon a time is now but a distant memory - faded photographs, hazy images like swirling smoke, within reach but at the same time not at all, so near yet so far. Yellowing ticket stubs, pressed flowers in between the pages of books, sweaters and socks that had once belonged to him, folded neatly in a cardboard box – stored and tucked safely away at the bottom of his wardrobe, in the corners of his mind.  
  
  
Ten years, ten long and painful years, and Yixing can still smell the freshly mown hay in the gentle breeze, can still feel the soft tenderness of Luhan’s embrace in his fingertips, can still taste the salt on the tip of his tongue as they shared a final kiss – a goodbye kiss. Two pairs of lips pressing gently against one another; two souls entwining for a final time.  
  
He can still hear the quiet desperation left unsaid - unspoken words of  _don't leave me alone I need you I love you._

  
  
The silent screams of desperation - screams of  _yixing please! don't do this_  - as the two boys clung wordlessly to each other. For the final time.  
  
Yixing sees the unshed tears brimming on the edges of reddened eyes from a decade ago, the image clear and heartbreakingly real.

  
He wonders for the umpteenth time if the decision he made all those years was the right one.

  
  
Regret. He feels regret.  
  
Yixing regrets not holding tight to the man he had once called his home.

  
  
He feels regret in letting Luhan go.  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
_“Come with me.”_  
  
_“I can’t, Luhan. You know I can’t.”_  
  
_“I don’t want to leave you. We promised to be together till we turn grey and wrinkly, remember? You have to come with me. I need you by my side Yixing.”_  
  
_“I..I don’t have to do anything, and you don’t need me by your side. You need to spread your wings and fly; you need to soar like an eagle. I’ll only weigh you down and I..I don’t want that. I’m not going to be a burden for you.”_  
  
_“What are you even saying? You’ll never be a burden. Yixing –”_  
  
_“Please don’t make this harder for me than it already is. I love you, Luhan, and I always will.”_  
  
_“Then why?! I –”_  
  
_“You and I, we both know from the very start that you were made for great things, things that you won’t be able to achieve if you stay here with me. That’s why you have to go, that’s why I have to let you go.”_  
  
_“Yixing ,please. Don’t do this to me; don’t make me go without you. I can’t, I can’t- ”_  
  
_“Yes you can. And you will. One day, Luhan, one day you’ll see. One day you’ll understand why I have to leave you.”_  
  
_“Xing – ”_  
  
_“You’re going to meet someone new, someone who will fly with you. You’re going to meet that someone, and forget about me. You can do that can’t you?”_  
  
_*I don’t want anybody but you, Yixing. It has to be you. I don’t care what –”_  
  
_“Stop being stubborn, Xiao Lu. You’re not a child anymore. You can’t, you can’t keep clinging to me, I won’t let you. You’re going to leave this place and start afresh. You’re going to fulfill your dreams and make it big, Luhan.”_  
  
_“I - ”_  
  
_“You’re going to do it if you love me.”_  
  
_“…I don’t understand you at all, Zhang Yixing. But fine, if that’s really what you want me to do, I’ll do it. I’ll start anew, I’ll find someone else. But I will never forget you. I won’t stop loving you, you can’t make me.”_  
  
  
  
  
  
_-_  
  
  
  
  
  
_The second Luhan runs out of the room with tears running down his face, Yixing’s legs give way and he collapses on the floor. A lone solitary tear makes its way down a dry cheek. Feeling his heart shattering into tiny little pieces, Yixing bites down hard on his bottom lip to stop a scream from escaping, bites down so hard that he can taste the coppery tang of blood, and whispers in his head._  
  
_“Goodbye, my love. I’ll never forget you, not in this lifetime.”_  
  
_“我爱你.”_  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekhyun removes his shoes and places them neatly on the shoe rack. He frowns when he sees a pair of unfamiliar converses. Unfamiliar but..he cannot seem to shake off the feeling that he has seen those shoes somewhere before.  
  
Shrugging lightly, he steps in and heads directly to the bedroom. “Hyung? Why is there…”  
  
The rest of his words trail off into thin wisps of nothingness when he sees Yixing curled up on the bed, wearing a sweater that isn’t his, tear tracks on his face. There are photos scattered all around, pictures of two young men beaming into the lens of the camera. Baekhyun ignore the slight clenching in his heart.  
  
He silently walks over and crawls onto the bed, arms wrapping around the older boy and nose burying into the soft sweet-smelling skin of Yixing’s neck.  
  
Yixing shifts a little and wraps his own slender arms around Baekhyun’s waist. He breaks out into a little smile when the younger man snuggles in closer to him.

  
  
“Baek? I’ve been thinking..I haven’t exactly been very fair to you and well – ”

  
  
Baekhyun shuts him up by raising his head and placing a kiss at the corner of his lips. “It’s alright hyung, really. I know that Luhan was a major part of your life, and well, I won’t ask you to forget him because if loving him is part of you, if Luhan was, is, and always will be a part of you, so be it. When I made the decision to love you, I was prepared for this. I love you, Yixing hyung. Every bit of you, even the part that will never belong to me.”

  
  
The elder looks at him and whispers, “I must have saved countries in my previous life to be so fortunate to have met you. Thank you Baekhyun, thank you.”

  
  
“You haven’t said three words, hyung. The three most important words.”  
  
Baekhyun says, impish grin threatening to split his face.  
  
Yixing smiles widely at him, unreservedly – dimple winking and eyes shining from tears and emotions.

  
  
“I love you.”

 

_And I’ll never let you go. Not in this lifetime._

  
  
**  



End file.
